Thursday, March 13, 2008

It Is Not Good That Liz Should Be Alone

When Derek is out of town I:
1. Quit making food
2. Don’t clean the house
3. Stay up too late
4. Wake up too late
5. Get sucked into reality TV shows I don’t normally watch
6. Watch way too many crime shows “ripped from the headlines”

Number 6 then causes me to lie awake in bed imagining all the ways the bad guys could break into my house. This, in turn, has led me to conclude that all houses should be equipped with these basic safety features:

1. Peep holes – because I have decided there is no good reason I should ever open my door to a stranger
2. Alarm systems
3. Bars and/or house armor (The family I stayed with in France had house armor that pulled down over all the windows and doors. It was awesome.)
4. Bludgeon/bullet proof doors and windows
5. A door leading outside from my bedroom
6. Panic rooms in every room
7. Some sort of evil intention sensor in the yard
8. And I want my own taser

I don't think this is too extreme; standard home safety features leave us far too vulnerable. If there is any lesson to be learned from watching crime TV, it is that a flimsy lock on a door isn’t going to keep any truly determined bad guy out. I promise, I'm only paranoid when I'm alone in the dark.


Kate said...

what about the time you and Derek were by a river..... I think you were pretty paranoid then too.

Maybe you need a doorman, I think they keep the place pretty safe and they are big guys, no burger theif could get past them.

Jeff said...

Liz also seems to blog more when she is alone :).

the lunch lady said...

i feel your pain. i am alone way too often at night.

Liz said...

I do need a doorman! Named Gus, preferably. And you're right Kate, I did act a little paranoid that time, but it was really dark. And except for Derek, I was all alone. No witnesses.