Thursday, December 18, 2008

Please, Consider the Squirrels

I know some of you have been wondering what we've been upto lately and some may be waiting for a report from us about going to the fancy black tie gala, almost meeting the President of the United States of America, and standing 50 feet away from former Secretary of State, Colin Powell. And while I know my new (and already defunct) life as a DC socialite is of great interest, I feel I need to take this time to turn your attention to matter of utmost importance: the economic downturn of the acorn economy and the plight of the Virginia grey squirrel. That’s right folks, you aren’t they only one’s getting an economic kick in the pants. Due to an unforeseen collapse in acorn production, the squirrels are facing the toughest winter since the infamous acorn depression of 1908. I’m serious, and this is an issue that hits close to home. We have a large and (what was) thriving acorn manufacturing facility right outside our front door; as a result, huge numbers of squirrels have been attracted to this center of commerce. In addition, the growing popularity of the “eat local” movement among the grey squirrel community has brought in large numbers of eco-friendly squirrels trying to live closer to their food source and reduce their carbon footprint. Unfortunately the demand for acorns this winter will far exceed the output, and the squirrels are going to sufer. I'm afraid this winter we are going to see an acorn soup line right outside our door; but don't worry, I hear a bailout is just around the corner.